you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
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I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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