someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
