Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
