She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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