So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
