it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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