Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
