Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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