Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
