I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
