Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
