but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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