Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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