worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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