fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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