thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
