After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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