I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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