My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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