they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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