My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
