i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
