Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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