i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
