You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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