I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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