Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
