apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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