Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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