im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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