I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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