is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
