before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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