she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
