apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just cropdusted the office
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
