i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
