she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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