I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
