Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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