I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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