i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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