my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
