I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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