let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
