I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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