hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
