Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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