I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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