fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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