Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
