im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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