i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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