i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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