so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
