There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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