I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
