i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
