girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
