so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
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that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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