So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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