Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
